a second to breathe

Its 4th of July. Freedom. blah blah blah. Dont buy it.

Ive become increasingly more cynical. You didnt think that was possible, did you? Im not miserable though, please dont mistake the two. Somehow I still appreciate the beauty in this world, maybe even more so.

Ive been going going going and today is the first day I dont have work or school. I should be out BBQing with friends and sweating in the sun, but first of all I wasnt invited to do any of that and secondly, I think I need to just sit here and get organized. Everything's a mess, from my thoughts to my room.

Last night I got off work at midnight and sat outside the restaurant I work at until 3 am talking with the chef from the restaurant next door. It started out as an argument and turned into a wonderful discussion, one of those conversations that brought into play everything Ive been thinking for awhile and it felt good to know someone else has been thinking the same things. It forced me to try to justify some of that cynicism I was talking about and to laugh at myself. Id say it was productive.

What Ive been up to. I normally get up around 6 or 7 and read and mess around on the internet. I head to school around 9 and hope to run into someone that I can sit in silence with and work on my homework. I head to class at 11. I listen to my professor and laugh at how cold hearted he is, especially since I think its partly an act. I let him think Im scared of him. Then, I go waste a few hours perusing through the library and once again hoping I'll bump into someone, but this time I want to chat and giggle. We normally do that. I get lunch, at one of two places everyday, either the Greek place or the Sushi place. I mix up the details a bit, but I wouldnt go anywhere else. Real life continues and depending on the day, I go to work or I go to another class. Work consists of listening to my coworkers who love drama and try to understand where theyre coming from and waiting on rich people who hate life and trying to understand what they want. Sometimes I share a good moment with a coworker and sometimes I enjoy the people Im waiting on. Thats what Im always hoping for.
If its a night class day, I go to class and listen to every detail my professor rattles off. I hope Im that smart one day and can tell stories as well as he can. Then, I go home and go to sleep.
I break up that schedule with running around town with Jennyp on the weekends, getting into trouble, going to peoples graduation parties, birthday parties, and bridal shower parties. Sometimes I go to Stardust and make a fool of myself. I visit Liz at work, because she works down the street from me now. I meet up with people at Lazy Moon and feel like Im in college.
Thats about how it goes.

My tentative plans go as follows.
-Anna and Nathans wedding is next weekend. I have to get dressed up and see them on their way to life together forever.

-I have 2 weeks off at the start of August. There are a few things I want to do with that time, not all things are possible. Visit Az in Chicago, visit Castro in Cuba, visit life in Mexico, and tramp around New York looking for trouble. Decisions have to be made. A week here and a week there, all with hardly zero $.

- I have a dentist appt sometime in August

-Im in 2 incredibly hard classes right now, but if I get through them, there are only 2 (what I think should be easy) classes left of my bachelors degree. Its been a drawn out process but Im all signed up for graduation in December. Im going to walk down the isle to go snatch up my diploma and feel relieved. It will be my first time actually showing up to a graduation ceremony.

-After graduation I'll go skiing in Tahoe with some family. It could get a little bit more American than that, but not much.

-Catch a flight from who knows where to London, not knowing when I'll ever see the U.S. again.

- Get from London to Oxford, probably hitchhiking. I'll skip around Oxford, England with Jack for a bit. We'll probably talk a lot about Palestine and he'll probably show me a proper British time in a town where I imagine everyone walks around with a dictionary in one hand and Skakespeare plays in the other.

-If insanity allows me to, Ill go visit Abby and Islam in Spain and do the same things I did with Jack, but surrounded by Spanish, bright colors, and no tact. It will probably be more loud.

-I'll head back to the West Bank. Things will probably have changed in the year that I was gone, but it will still be the same old crap. Fighting and eating and tending the goats and cute children and bombs going off.
I cant wait to see the people I miss so dearly. Hopefully Amy and Austin will make an appearance as well. And hopefully we'll get some snow again.

-I might start Grad school in Cairo, Egypt and get a degree in Human Rights Law or maybe get a job or maybe both. This is where things start to get fuzzy

Before I get too ahead of myself, I'll go clean my room and take a deep breath.